i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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