plz talk dirty to me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
