How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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