on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
