but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
