is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
