and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
