I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
