when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
