I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
