ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My feet surprised me
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