So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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