You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
