chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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