How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
