brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Randomize
