The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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