ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
