know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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