I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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