Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
