I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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