Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
