Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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