Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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