This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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