one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
