it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize