I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize