This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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