She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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