Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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