Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize