K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
