i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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