He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
