oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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