ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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