I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
