I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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