I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
