just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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