He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
