At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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