i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Please don't give away my fajitas
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
