She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i barfeds in our rink
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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