My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
