The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
