How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
