whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
