and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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