apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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