Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
