The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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