they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i will never coherently bang her
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
