I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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