i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
