When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
