i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you will always have a special place in my vag
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
