My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
