She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
smell my finger.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
These tits shall not be calmed
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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