I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
