you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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