Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
